made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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