I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
