I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
