Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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