Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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