one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
