you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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