I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
