Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
