Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
