It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
