this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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