his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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