She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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