Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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