If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
