I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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