So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I will die if light touches me.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Holy sore nipples Batman
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
