You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize