My sheets look like a crime scene.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
