I cannot find my penis.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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