fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
