Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
