I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
