Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
