First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
