I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
