Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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