Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
