can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
