I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
