I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
