i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk is not a location!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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