No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
