best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
