Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
