This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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