Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
