Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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