in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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