I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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