He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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