he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
