Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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