you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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