He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
