omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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