Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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