Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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