I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize