Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
