3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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