Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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