I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
