im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
