This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
