my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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