this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
